Are you being manipulated and don't know it? A superb
article on husband-wife relations and social relations in
general is offered by Junaid Tahir in India. It's worth
reading. It might save your marriage.
Scroll to end.
Breaking News: November 1 Turkey's Islam oriented AKP won
316 seats while the secularist-Kurdish-Communist party CHP
won 134. [Congratulations to Turkey from New Trend. What a
big change! ]. Gulen's group, Turkish equivalent of CAIR,
has been caught supporting Republican congressmen. See
latest USA Today.
In Syria: October 31: The Islamic State, IS, captured
Maheen city as it advanced towards the major Homs-Damascus
road. BBC while reporting the loss of Maheen noted that IS
has reached Sadad which puts it only 13 miles from the main
road linking Damascus to Homs and northern cities. FIFTY
regime Alawite troops were killed in Maheen. Hizbullah is
desperately trying to open the road way up in the north to
Aleppo which IS cut earlier. No success yet.
October 30: Regime and Russian air forces massacred
civilians in the Damascus suburb of Douma, killing 60 and
injuring hundreds. The situation is desperate as mujahideen
have no anti-aircraft weapons. Russians bombing northern
Aleppo have killed more than 40 people, mostly civilians.
USA has sent special forces to Syria to stop the advancing
IS forces. Al-Nusra is doing well in IDLIB and LATTAKIA. FSA
is fighting east of Hama and in the southern areas of
Derayya and Quneitra, and in the Damascus suburbs.
[If these advances continue, IS may capture most of Syria.
No wonder the Assad regime wants peace talks - editor]
Pakistan: Please do not send to New Trend comments on the
divorce of Imran Khan and Reham. Gossip is forbidden in
Islam.
National Islamic Shoora of Jamaat al-Muslimeen
October 31, 2015
Alternative Narrative on the Middle East: Palestine is
Central. Zionism is Racism.
African American Experience & Palestinian Trauma:
Connectivity and understanding.
Greensboro, North Carolina, witnessed the unfolding of the
global narrative of Islam about Palestine and the Middle
East at a nine-hour long exchange of research studies on the
central issues. Jamaat al-Muslimeen's best minds came to
gether to share their in-depth findings on Palestine, Masjid
al-Aqsa and the inability of US media to report the
authentic events and tragic incidents occurring and
recurring in Palestine.
Here is the outline of the daylong session of Jamaat
al-Muslimeen's research and activist offerings:
What do the Qur'an and hadith say about Palestine and
Masjid al-Aqsa? [Imam Badi Ali, North Carolina.]
Issues of Israeli "legitimacy" and Islamic authenticity
defining Palestine & America. [Dr. Kaukab Siddique,
Pennsylvania.]
Black America's Authentic Voices have historically stood
by Palestine. [Br. Benjamin, Greensboro, North Carolina.]
Video essay on "Muslim" collaboration with the
instruments of repression In America: Slide show on Islamic
critics of the Zionist regime in America. [Nadrat Siddique,
Washington, DC.]
Police brutality in America on unarmed Black people and
police cooperation with Israel. [Br. Abu Talib, New York
city.]
Don't Forget Muslim Political Prisoners. Condemnation of
police brutality. [Br. Ali Randall & Sis. Ayesha Jones,
Virginia]
Imam Khalil Abdur Rahman brought the latest news of Imam
Jamil Abdullah al-Amin whose health is deteriorating and who
is now incarcerated in Pennsylvania.
Participants volunteered to write to Muslim political
prisoners incarcerated across America.
Sis. Ashira's letter to President Obama urging him to
release Pakistani American prisoner Masaud Khan khan
received support and help from Shoora members.
Sis. Ashira urged Muslims to give top importance to
spirituality and to improve their nearness to Allah and the
Sunna of the Prophet, pbuh. [Baltimore, Maryland.]
Br. Abdur Rahman supported the move to carry da'wah
messages to non-Muslims across Baltimore and other cities
where supporters of Jamaat al-Muslimeen are active.
[Jamaat adviser Shamim Siddiqi had urged the shoora to
organize the da'wa of Islam with relevant literature.]
Imam Ali Siddiqui led prayers for zuhr/Asr and maghrib/isha
and prayed for peace in Palestine and asked for Allah's
solace for the victims of Israeli brutalities and police
brutalities.
Delicious halal meals were provided by the local community
sisters.
Du'as were made for the recovery of Br. Solano from surgery
and thanks to Allah were given for the early return of Br.
Ali Randall from unjust imprisonment.
Resolutions October 31, 2015 Jamaat al-Muslimeen National Majlis-e-Shura
[These resolutions reflect the viewpoints of the Muslims of
America as understood by the representatives of the Jamaat
across America.]
Support for Palestine is an Islamic duty, as seen in
Qur'an and hadith.
We urge Muslims to be united in their support for
Palestine, because Palestine can unite all Muslims
We are against Zionism and racism throughout the World.
Blacks and Muslims should united in their struggle for
justice.
We urge the release of all political prisoners and
prisoners of conscience. Most shameful is the silence
imposed on the suffering of Dr. Omar Abdel Rahman.
We oppose the oppression and exploitation of Muslim women
worldwide.
We hold the Indian government responsible for the rapes
of women in India.
We condemn police brutality against Black people and the
Israeli terrorism against Palestinians.
We call for an independent investigation into the influx
of drugs into the Black community.
Leaders of the Black community should come up with
solutions for the widespread incidents of police brutality
which are central to understanding injustice in America,.
We urge young people to go to Palestine, Africa, and
other parts of the world to see what goes on globally..
No real change is possible without adherence to the
Qur'an and Sunnah.
Br. Ali Randall [left] with Imam Khalil, Jamil al-Amin's
representative, after the shoora in Greensboro.
Our America
Britain secures release of Guantanamo prisoner Shaker Aamer
by Karin Friedemann [Boston]
After more than 13 years detained without charge or trial in
Guantánamo Bay, Shaker Aamer, 46, has finally been released!
His plane touched down at Biggin Hill airfield Friday
afternoon, October 30. He told supporters, "The very first
thing I want is a cup of coffee, then for a doctor to look
me over."
His wife, a British citizen, was pregnant with their fourth
child when Aamer, originally from Saudi Arabia and a British
resident, went to Afghanistan in 2002 to do charity work. He
was captured by anti-Taliban Northern Alliance bounty
hunters, who sold him to US troops. He was imprisoned in
Afghanistan before being moved to Guantanamo, where he
engaged in hunger strikes to protest his confinement. He was
violently force fed through a tube up his nose. He was
cleared for release in 2007 but the US continued to detain
him.
His haunting voice could be heard on 60 Minutes in November
of 2013, as he yelled, "Please, we are tired. Are you just
going to leave us here to die? Tell the world the truth.
Open up the place!" through the wall of his cell, knowing
that newsmedia were there. The reporter (Barbara Walters?)
seemed genuinely shocked that the detainee spoke perfect
English, and at the level of his despair.
[
YouTube.com/watch?v=HVDgz4v8WZY
]
As an English speaking inmate of Guantanamo, he served a
valuable role in organizing prisoners and negotiating with
the US government to end hunger strikes before people died.
However, after gaining false promises from officials, Aamer
was put into solitary confinement. His sudden release came
as a blessed surprise.
His family eagerly awaits his arrival. His daughter, said to
be an A level student, whom he has not seen since she was 4,
turned 18 just days before his release. He has never before
met his youngest child, a son who is now 13.
Amnesty International, which was supportive of Aamer's
release, asks: "Why was he detained at all, and why was his
release delayed when he was twice cleared for transfer out
of Guantánamo, in 2007 and in 2009? And what role did the UK
play in his detention and treatment? Shaker Aamer says he
was repeatedly abused in both Afghanistan and in Guantánamo.
His claims of interrogation and abuse in Afghanistan in the
presence of MI5 officers highlight once again the need for
an independent judge-led inquiry into allegations of UK
involvement in torture and rendition."
On October 11, 2015 after the Mail on Sunday reported that
Shaker Aamer had stated in a phone call to his lawyer, Clive
Stafford Smith, that he was hunger striking to protest his
constant and ongoing abuse, and his fears that, due to his
weakened state, he wouldn't live to see his family again, We
Stand With Shaker's directors, Joanne MacInnes and Andy
Worthington, author of "The Guantanamo Files," set up a new
campaign, Fast For Shaker, in which celebrities, MPs and
members of the public were encouraged to show solidarity
with Shaker by pledging to undertake a hunger strike of
their own for a minimum of 24 hours, on a day of their
choosing.
It could be that the UK really did not want to touch this
issue of their involvement in the US torture rendition
program, but this coalition of activists generated enough
public attention to force their government to act decisively
to return Aamer back home. Somehow, between October 11 and
October 30, something magical happened. People suddenly
passionately threw themselves into caring about this man,
who has been simmering on the back burner for over a
decade.
It may seem completely bizarre but the gimmick that proved
so effective was a 20 foot tall blow up dummy with Aamer's
smiling face, dressed in an orange jumpsuit. His shirt bore
the words: "FREE SHAKER AAMER. CLEARED FOR RELEASE. STILL IN
GUANTANAMO. WHY?" Many many celebrities and political
officials posed with it for photographs holding signs
saying, "I STAND WITH SHAKER" and "I FAST WITH SHAKER." [See
photos at westandwithshaker.org] Maybe because this street
theater tactic was so bizarre and comical, it made publicly
talking about illegal rendition possible and gave the
detainee a friendly funny human image.
Upon his release, Aamer made this public statement: "The
reason I have been strong is because of the support of
people so strongly devoted to the truth. If I was the fire
to be lit to tell the truth, it was the people who protected
the fire from the wind. My thanks go to Allah first, second
to my wife, my family, to my kids and then to my lawyers who
did everything they could to carry the word to the world. I
feel obliged to every individual who fought for justice not
just for me but to bring an end to Guantánamo. Without
knowing of their fight I might have given up more than once;
I am overwhelmed by what people have done by their actions,
their thoughts and their prayers and without their devotion
to justice I would not be here in Britain now. The reality
may be that we cannot establish peace but we can establish
justice. If there is anything that will bring this world to
peace it is to remove injustice."
"We also recall the 112 other men still held at Guantánamo,
and note that 52 of them have also, like Shaker, been
approved for release by high-level US government review
processes. We call for them also to be released as soon as
possible," stated Andy Worthington.
Our America
Officer Ben Fields Fired for Assaulting 15 Year Old Girl
by Sis. Aisha [New York city.]
New York City - Rogue safety school officer Ben Fields, who
assaulted a non-compliant 15 year old student, was fired as
of October 28, 2015. The student, who has not been
identified, has retained a prominent South Carolina
politico, Todd Rutherford, for her attorney. This student
suffered rug burns and other more serious injuries that have
caused her to wear her arm in a cast.
The incident began with the girl disrupting her class by
talking on her cell phone. Her teacher, who is also Black,
asked her to leave but, she refused. I went to private
schools, including an Islamic one, as a child and there you
got spanked by teachers. However, this was elementary
school. Corporal punishment ended in public schools long
ago. Public school teachers are not allowed to physically
touch a student in anyway. This teacher had no other
recourse but, to call for backup.
However, if a parent had done anything much less than what
this rogue officer had done to this student, she would have
been put in child services and her parents in jail! I
understand that this officer's firing is the appropriate
response, which is rarely taken in these incidents but, how
about indictments for assault and endangering the welfare of
a child? How about reinstating the suspended Spring Valley
High student who tried to help stop this assault in the
first place?
My brother was very critical of this Black teacher calling
an officer on a Black student, knowing the disrespectful way
officers treat Blacks. I understand that critique. It would
be great if there was some protocol in place to handle these
types of disagreeable students without involving law
enforcement of any kind. However, it cannot involve
physically restraining students of any kind. Police officers
arresting students, in general, is disturbing.
Also, Community Cop co-host Noel Leader has stated over the
years the rampant steroid use of many NYPD officers. Some
people have questioned if Officer Fields was doped up on
steroids. It is a real possibility. Many films capturing
these assualts involve overly muscular officers.
Although television shows like to have viewers believe that
the internal affairs unit and the prosecutors have a
contentious relationship with the police department it is
quite the opposite. This is why prosecutors fail to arrest
and indict police officers for criminal acts. I hope that
this case does not end merely with this officer's
termination.
(Courtesy of Yahoo! News)
Joe Madison Tells P Diddy to Kiss His.......
Joe Madison is a talk show host of his own self-titled Joe
Madison Show on Sirius Satellite Radio. I have listened to
him for a few minutes and have found him to be a crotchety
old man. My opinion really took shape when he went after
Sean "P Diddy or Puff Daddy" Combs, recently, for saying
that voting in America is a scam, at an October 17th music
conference.
P Diddy is a young African-American man who is wealthy
beyond belief and can still face the type of obstacles that
poorer Blacks in America face! He stated that he really
believed in the Rock The Vote campaigns but, realizes that
voting process is not as empowering as many people would
have us think. P Diddy, a founder of Citizen Change, a
political group whose slogan was "Vote or Die", stated that
much of what politicians have to say do not relate to the
Black community. However, he still encouraged people to vote
in next year's Presidential election.
As I have stated before, ONLY the Black American community
RELIES on voting to do for us what we can do for ourselves.
This voting is apart of the assimilation process, which has
been rammed down our throats by White liberals with the help
of sambo Black "leadership." (Note: Sambo was the real
turncoat character in Uncle Tom's Cabin, while Uncle Tom was
beaten to death for not revealing the location of runaway
slaves!).
Granted the bullseye on the Black community's back looms
larger than ever but, other so-called communities of color
have still been able to establish themselves without benefit
of voting drives. A lot of what they do, extol others toward
self-determination and self-reliance, is lacking in the
Black community and that is no accident!
The political, educational, and judicial systems are ways
for the White oppressor to maintain control of his/her
surroundings. Joe Madison is dumb, deaf and blind and only
mimics and regurgitates what others before him have done
without thinking about it.
However, in the Holy Qur'an, Allah(swt) warns us about
assimilating with any oppressor or else we can be accused of
being just like them (11:113).
Also, the Qur'an warns us not to do things merely because
our ancestors or prominent people did those things (33:67).
We have to think about it. [Source: Vibe]
Research
by Junaid Tahir
Examples of manipulative behaviour
We are all unique and as such, our behaviour will be diverse
as well. When it comes to manipulative behaviour there are
numerous variations but there is a common framework within
which most manipulative behaviour can be identified.
I have put together a list of common examples of
manipulative behaviour. By its very nature- manipulative
behaviour is sneaky, deceptive and devious. This is why many
people on the receiving end of manipulative behaviour are
aware that something isn't quite right but they can't come
up with any specifics. This can lead the 'victim' to doubt
their perceptions and sometimes wonder if they are going
crazy.
The Cause of Manipulative Behaviour
Many manipulative people learn these dysfunctional ways of
behaving when they are children. A common cause is when
parents are authoritarian and leave no room for their
children's opinions and input. Their children's natural
emotional development is stifled and they are suppressed by
strict rules and a general attitude of 'do as you are told
or there will be negative consequences'. A child faced with
this rigid environment needs to be resourceful and come up
with clever ways to 'get their own back'. This will include
passive-aggressive behaviours to try regain some control.
Such as - they may rebel in a less obvious way by stealing
money from their parents, lying or being devious in some
other way. Then when their parents are telling them what to
do, because they aren't allowed to directly express anger or
disagreement, they can comfort themselves by knowing they
have 'harmed' their strict parent in some other way.
Psychologically, this restores some sort of balance for the
child and helps them cope with the perceived unfairness of
the situation. This dysfunctional way of dealing with
perceived emotional threat then gets carried over into adult
relationships and this is where the trouble begins...
The Introduction to the manipulative 'main course'
Manipulative abusers tend to dwell in extremes. They often
start off being extremely thoughtful, considerate and
attentive. They put you on a pedestal and put in a lot of
effort. This is part of the grooming process. Getting you
high on the feeling of flattery and feeling special is part
of the manipulation. Once they have you emotionally 'hooked'
they have a stronger position from which to start
manipulating and controlling you. In some cases,
manipulators lack empathy and part of the extreme behaviour
involves them acting the part of a caring person. As they
can lack empathy, they do not feel in touch with their
emotions and have to go through the motions of acting in a
way that they believe a kind, caring person would. This is
when the behaviour can seem a little extreme and unnatural.
For example if they are excessively polite and over the top
when it comes to complimenting you and giving gifts it could
be a sign of trouble. Beware of extremes.
Examples of manipulative behaviour
Minimising
Manipulative behaviour involves minimising its effects on
others. When the recipient of a nasty or insensitive comment
speaks up, the manipulative person, instead of being
concerned that they have upset someone, will counter with
the reply, "I was only joking. Can't you take a joke?" or
"You are SO sensitive!". This completely minimises the
emotional impact and leaves the recipient with no where to
go. They are left feeling they are to blame.
Another example, "I am feeling so stressed today" (hoping
for sympathy and support). Manipulators response: "You don't
know what stress is!". If you get upset, you will invariably
be told "I was only joking!". There is no validation,
empathy or support. Manipulators can also be entrenched
narcissists.
Never accepting blame
Manipulative people blame everyone else, they very rarely
accept their part to play in life situations. Their
behaviour is often seen by the as a response to something
someone else has done. If they hadn't annoyed me, it would
never have happened. If they had listened, I would need to
act this way etc. They like to absolve themselves from any
personal responsibility for their actions. A good example:
you trip over their shoes/bag etc in the night as they have
placed them too near the doorway. When you fall over them
you are blamed by the manipulator because you should watch
where you are going or you should have turned on the light
(the fact that they left their belongings where people walk
is not considered or mentioned).
Non-verbal signs of manipulative behaviour
Eye rolling, sighing, head shaking - these are some of the
typical behaviours exhibited by a manipulator. They show
disapproval or disappointment without having to say a word
and leave the victim feeling shame and guilt. It is all part
of the process of making another person doubt themselves - a
slow-drip erosion of their confidence occurs over time.
Gaslighting
This manipulative behaviour can easily make a person feel
they are going crazy. Gaslighting involves planting false
information as true in order to make another person doubt
themselves and their perceptions. This is cleverly done over
a slow period and can leave a person confused and unsure of
themselves. Your partner may swear they told you about the
party on the weekend and, even though they didn't in
reality, the more time goes on, the less confidence you have
in your version. There needs to be a deliberate, dishonest
aspect to it — in other words, there needs to be
lying. Simply telling someone they can't take a joke doesn't
qualify as lying, nor gaslighting, nor abuse.Here are signs
of gaslighting:
You are constantly second-guessing yourself
You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a
day.
You often feel confused and even crazy.
You can't understand why, with so many apparently good
things in your life, you aren't happier.
You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never
quite express what it is, even to yourself.
You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality
twists.
You have trouble making simple decisions.
You have the sense that you used to be a very different
person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
You feel hopeless and joyless.
You feel as though you can't do anything right.
You wonder if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/
wife/employee/ friend; daughter.
Thwarting your efforts/efficiency
Behind the scenes, your manipulative partner might be
finding subtle ways to thwart and frustrate you. This
secret, and the ensuing frustration for you, allows them to
feel in control in a passive-aggressive manner. For example
- they 'forget' to tell you about an important phone message
and as a result you miss an important meeting. When they
know something is important to you, they will adopt subtle
behaviour that provokes an emotional response from you. One
of the ways they control and manipulative is by knowing your
weaknesses and pressing those emotional buttons. For example
- I dated a man who would be strict with my dog and shout at
my dog, knowing that it would upset me. The dog became a
legitimate target for eliciting emotion in me and thereby
allowing him to feel in control. When I reacted, it would
'obviously' result in blame being placed upon me and how
overly sensitive I am.
If you are in a rush to get somewhere, a manipulative person
might drag their heels and delay you even further.
Everything is done so subtly that it is hard to point to
specific evidence and ultimately the sane person begins to
unravel while the manipulator feels more powerful.
Withholding information is a very common tactic,
manipulators revel in the fact that they have information
and that you are none-the-wiser.
Telling you that you "don't listen"
A very arrogant tactic that places the manipulator in the
'righteous' position and assumes that the listener is not
understanding correctly. A sane balanced person will also
look at their own communication skills instead of blaming
another for not listening correctly. This serves to keep you
diminished and undermine your confidence. It keeps the
manipulator in the 'power seat'.
Leading statements
"Don't you think that..."
"Why have you done it that way?"
"I am wondering why you...."
"I suppose you are going to..."
"I thought that was what you wanted..."
Manipulators will do their best to change you subtly to
accommodate the way they see the world. This ranges from how
you should dress, who you should see, how you should do the
housework, your shopping habits (buy this product, not that
one), he way you bring up the children, how you behave
around others, how and when you need to be available when
they want to speak to you...the list is endless.
How to deal with manipulation
Be assertive. No one has the right to tell you what to do or
how to do it. Use assertive script to let them know what
they do/say that you dislike. For example...
When you..... criticise me, I feel.....undermined, so what I
would like you to do is .....stop judging me and try to say
more positive things.
Ask questions, this makes the manipulator explain themselves
and think through what they are saying. It also gives you a
chance to challenge them.
Dont accept statements, reframe them as a question or repeat
for clarity...are you asking me if....never allow them to
foist their views on to you.
When dealing with manipulative people, answer questions
only, not statements. Train your ears to recognize the
difference. You must learn to ask the Yes/No question, but
not get tricked by a disguised question. Repeat the last 3
or 4 words of the statement back to the manipulator, forcing
him/her to admit it was a question.
Ask for time - I want to think about it
Let things slide. Don't respond to bad behavior. Don't reply
defensively and avoid saying "I'm sorry but..." You can
choose not to fight by using one of the following replies:
"That's my decision"
"I know you're unhappy, but that's the way it is"
"I'll have to think about that"
"You seem upset"
"We'll talk later when you aren't so upset."
"We don't always have to agree."
"I prefer it that way"
"You're right" (and drop the subject)
How to protect yourself from emotional manipulation
Act on your own merits, not because of how someone makes
you feel
Avoid being completely honest and open with an emotional
manipulator - they will use it against you
Trust your intuition before you offer sympathy and give up
your energy with advice - generally their problems don't
exist or are exaggerated
Act with integrity to avoid any guilt trips, you will know
you're doing your best
Keep a log when dealing with an emotional manipulator, so
you can clearly see what was said when
Don't let others affect your energy levels, this is your
choice
Avoid trying to help them change - they are highly
resistant to change and won't recognise their problem
Know your weaknesses and what pressures you to give-in and
be conscious of this
Stick to the facts in arguments and don't try to defend
yourself (it opens you to more abuse)
Stop manipulative interactions as quickly as you can - use
short responses, end the conversation or leave: limit the
time you spend with this person if you can
Know your boundaries and stick to them
Don't take threats personally - detach yourself so this is
no longer a pressure tactic for them
Get stronger by knowing who you are and staying firm in
your values and beliefs
Get some validation by sharing the interaction with
someone else
Calmly let the manipulator know that what was said was
outrageous and unacceptable without causing the situation to
escalate They will probably not acknowledge the way you see
things (my minimising and never taking responsibility for
their behaviour) but still let them know you don't accept
what they are doing or saying.
Once you have identified that this person uses emotional
manipulation tactics: WALK AWAY! Their act will only work on
an audience.
Manipulation is not the same as influence. We all use
influence with other people to advance our goals, and this
is one of the hallmarks of healthy social functioning.
Influence recognizes the rights and boundaries of other
people, and it is based on direct, honest communication.
Influence is one way we have of functioning effectively in
the world. Influence recognizes the integrity of the other
person, including the right not to go along with the
attempted persuasion. Manipulation, on the other hand,
depends on covert agendas and an attempt to coerce another
person into giving in. Even though it may appear that the
manipulator is strong and in control, there is usually
insecurity under the facade. The tendency to exploit others
and disregard their rights is a sign of unhealthy
personality functioning. In fact, people who manipulate
others have difficulty in maintaining good interpersonal
relationships.
